Dear Readers

Dear Readers- if there is in fact anybody still out there…

I hope that you have all had a wonderful christmas and enjoy the New year with a bang in a few days time.

This post is my metaphorical scream. In the movies, characters can run out into vast open spaces and yell out their frustration at the world, but around here, it would probably only end up with the police being called and several neighbours spreading the word that you have in fact, gone insane. While I may be insane, this is my metaphorical scream into the open air of my bedroom.

I have had an awful year. I used to do this thing where I wrote down at least three positive things that had happened each day. I’m not sure when that ended, but it did.

I spend a lot of my time at University crying my heart out in my room. I have had breakdown after breakdown and this year the emotions do not limit themselves to my bedroom. They occur in the library, in pubs, in the night club, and we can probably throw in a few 3am cries in the fast food place that we all stumble into at the end of the night.

My nan died at the beginning of the year, I spend a lot of my time ducking and dodging my ex as well as the friends in my group from last year who I have decided, really aren’t my friends at all. Because those who message to tell you that they are there for you when it’s easy to be and turn away when it is not, are not people that I want to associate myself with anymore.

I am not sure what inspired me to write this post. To tell the truth, I am not very sure of anything anymore. I just wanted to write, and while my ongoing novel desperately requires my attention, I barely know myself anymore and I can’t continue writing a story that the old me began several years ago, as that person is someone I know longer recognise.

My friends from home really enjoy University and while I would never discourage someone from going, I just want people to know that not everyone can handle it. I am still desperately waiting for these years to be the ‘best of my life’ while I’m sat -£900 in my overdraft and dreading the coming semester with each passing day.

It is a means to an end- I need my degree for becoming a teacher and for that reason I persevere even when some of my closest friends tell me themselves that they have never known me so unhappy and want me to drop out. I do not believe it is worth wasting so much money and time and emotions on something to just drop out- then it would well and truly be wasted.

I cann’t give advice to people when all I am doing is my most to keep my head above the water. I have barely read a book in the past year, and a me without a book in her hand or an idea constantly being scribbled on the notes page of my phone is not a me that I particularly like or recognise.

But maybe this could help. A blog is an outlet afterall. Maybe it should just be an outlet for me though, one without pressures of an audience. Maybe that might just work in bringing some kind of writing energy- or any energy at all- back into my life.

Happy New Years eve, eve, eve, and to all a goodnight.

#32 A dramatic beginning to Uni

I am eating a day old, cold pizza for breakfast as I write this which can only mean one thing: Freshers has well and truly began. In the past two days there has already been, a drunken snog, an awful photo, an odd flat mate, heartbreak, maccies at 3am and a tonne of alcohol.

Of course, I knew that all of my fears would be completely irrelevant when I arrived here, but right up until the very last moment, I felt like I was going to throw up.

So on the first day, after I was all unpacked, a few people from my building went to the bar on campus and at least thirty people showed up throughout the afternoon, so we all had a big chat. The ones who stayed the whole time have pretty much formed my first group here and we all went out together on the night.

Let me paint the picture for you: a group of girls (and one boy), pre’s drunk, glitter on our faces, heading down the steepest road I have ever walked on which went on for at least a mile, a nightclub which is situated at the bottom of said hill and not having ID’s on us….

Only two of us forgot our ID’s because I hadn’t planned on taking my purse down with me. We told the others to head in and we would run back- yes, you heard me. We ran back up this huge hill (thank god for my choice of trainers) though I am still sure that I have broken a toe.


Apparently the clubs air con had broken that night, so it was extremely hot and after a few hours, we left at half 1 in the morning and head towards McDonalds. On the way, we found a girl crying and clearly extremely drunk, so we split off; myself and my flat mate took this girl back to the student village while the other two continued on the mission to maccies.

We found out that the boy this girl had been talking to for a few months was sleeping with someone else at that very moment, and he lived in the same flat as her! So clearly, she was extremely upset and then angry, but we managed to make her laugh and delivered her safely home.

Afterwards, we returned to our own flat and ate 40 nugget between us all and of course, a few fries!

That was the very first night and I am now on my fourth, so I am extremely tired but loving life.


#31 Here we go again!

Hey there!

If you hadn’t already heard (from the singing erupting from the cinema’s at the end of each viewing), MammaMia two has been in cinema’s for quite a while now and as I have just returned from my second viewing that I would post a review.

I am not very good at reviews; I find it difficult not to spoil things but you have my word, I will (try) not spoil a thing!

Firstly, it is a really feel good film which made me grin, belly laugh, but also brought a tear to my eye. On both occasions it has left me feeling nostalgia for a life on a Greek island (it doesn’t help that I have only just got home from Kefalonia!). There are many situations in the film which capture realistic aspects of motherhood, relationships and finding who you really are.

Many people were upset by the revelation in the beginning (if you have watched the film, you know what I mean), but I wasn’t put off by it as others have seemed to be. It was necessary for the new story and gave room for Lily James to show off her amazing talents, as she played her character of adolescent Donna perfectly!

The same actors in the first film all followed into the second film which I loved because I hate when actors change half way through a series. The new actors who played the older characters in their childhoods fit each other perfectly and despite a few minor pitch issues with the songs, it was brilliant.

As I only really know of ABBA through MammaMia, I was not expecting to know many of the songs and was pleasantly surprised when I did. Some of my favourites were: ‘Why did it have to be me?’ ‘Knowing me, Knowing you,’ and ‘The name of the game.’

As can be expected, the choreography was perfect and colourful and inventive with lots of hand shakes.

The only faults I have with this new film are the holes in the plot between the first and second film. There are aspects that are not addressed or just completely ignored. I guess that the audience and fans of MammaMia are supposed to brush it away as it is only a film, but they didn’t do a great job in matching the photo’s that the three dad’s show Sophie in the first film look nothing like their younger actors. For example, rebel, punk-rocker Harry went from studs and spiky hair to jittery, nervous and cute, bankers son.

The next fault I had and this was probably my biggest one was the character brought to life by Cher (literally- wasn’t she supposed to be dead in the first film?). I didn’t like her character, her voice, or what she brought to the film which was basically just some extra star factor (which they really didn’t need) and to fulfill another ABBA song (Fernando). In my opinion she took up too much screentime and was not needed in the film at all.

I hope you have already seen this must-see Summer film (before Summer ends!) and if not, get yourself to the nearest cinema and watch it!


#30 A change in direction

Hey everyone! I hope you’re all okay especially with new terms looming over the next few days.

I actually used to love the first day back at school- all new timetable, catching up with all of my friends and then getting brand new books to write your new year, and feel so sophisticated that you had gone up a year (okay, so maybe I was a nerd).

Anyway, as the title suggests, this post has a bit of a change of tone from my last University update. I have gone from ecstatic to crying to my mum that I don’t want to go.

I am not entirely sure what has triggered this new feeling, but ever since A level results, it just suddenly became very real that in three weeks time I would be moving four hours away from my family. I thought that I was totally ready- I’ve never been the homesick type and of course I’d feel independent enough at 18 for this… Let me tell you now, I feel no more mature than I did at 16.

So I have had many wobbles because before when people told me it was a mistake to go with my boyfriend, I ould just smile and wave it off, but now I am getting paranoid. Of course, I am not naive enough to believe 100% that we will last, but now it seems like it’s an inevitability that we will not make it according to everyone else’s opinions.

My main worries have been a) money, I was aware of how difficult it was to get by at Uni but it didn’t seem like something I needed to worry about because it was a long time off and I have been working all hours of the summer holidays. But now I am like, is it enough? Will I be able to budget £25 a week?

B) Leaving my family, especially with all of the grievances we have had this year; I’m not sure I would be able to deal with losing another person and being all that way away without my family.

C) Everyone thinking that I have thrown away my life to follow my boyfriend to Uni.

I have got much better with it all now that I am in a group chat with my building who mostly all seem really nice and funny. I have also now bought all of the things for my room and kitchen in an extremely stressful trip to IKEA in which we were evacuated and stood outside for an hour…

Anyway, I just thought I would let you know where I am at in this Uni venture (which I haven’t even really started yet) and I’m sure over the next two weeks it will continue to be an up and down battle with anxiety until I am finally there and will not understand what all of the drama was about.


#29 Sailing with acrylics: a DRAMA

f19418fe-94e6-477f-af2c-f34195393a07Hey all, I hope that you are all enjoying your Summer holidays so far! Ever since I finished my exams, the last ten weeks have consisted 60% of work, 20% holiday, 5% partying and getting drunk (get me, party girl) and 15% sat in the bath reading. So I thought I would write about my week away sailing.

This was my family and I’s third sailing holiday with my uncle, as he owns a yacht and he and his wife have their sailing certificates. So the rest of us just play at knowing what we’re doing: ‘ah yes, the genoa is caught!’ while he just tells us exactly what to do.

Now, I know what you’re thinking- why did I possibly go on a sailing holiday when I have a massive phobia of the ocean?! (If you weren’t thinking that then shame on you for not knowing that interesting fact about me!) Well, I shall tell you! Truth be told, I was beginning to get very nervous about it, but it was actually totally fine.

Sailing is very much like camping. For the following reasons:

  1. It is not easy to use the toilet; you basically fall off like a drunk person in tune with the boat rocking from side to side.
  2. You feel dirty; water is gold dust when you’re sailing as your boat can only carry so much which means that showers and washing your hair is a no go, and when you have been dipping in and out of salty water, it is not long before everything you touch feels wet and salty.
  3. It’s claustraphobic; you are on a 50ft yacht with eight people plus a screaming baby. You’re all tired and getting under each others feet, so tensions rise pretty high and you can argue quite a bit. When that happens you cannot run to your room and slam the door- one because your room is the corridor to the toilet, and two, it is 2000 degrees below deck.

Despite this, sailing is a holiday like no other. No you don’t get a lot of sleep, so a week is plenty, but there’s not many holidays where you can just sit on top deck and sail every day for a week, spotting dolphins, anchoring and then swimming to beaches.


Clearly, I also had to overcome my biggest fear which is the ocean and everything in it- it’s scary okay?! Every anchorage we stayed at, I went in the water and my family laughed at me for the weird, heavy breathing that I was doing but that was just because I was trying not to see something horrible swimming around me at every single second- no biggie just a horribly overactive imagination…

Anyway, I am pretty proud of myself for swimming in the ocean even if most of it was just paddling on top of a lilo (fun fact: sharks are more likely to attack you on a lilo as you look more like a seal- see my problem? I also have a boyfriend destined to be a marine biologist who is always coming up with facts that will not help my fear at all like, did you know that sharks attack vertically from beneath you so you can’t see them coming?

Did you know that?

I didn’t. And I really didn’t need to. So thank you lover for increasing my fear.

Anyway, I am spiralling. I’ll leave this post here before I start talking about stone fish and cuttlefish and other monstrosities that live in our ocean. Happy Summer holidays! Enjoy swimming in the ocean from now on!…



(Drones were used for these pictures)

#28 A level results… eek!

20180819_142859Congratulations to all those who collected their A level results on Thursday- ridiculously early in the morning- it was a crazy suspenseful day and I hope that nobody was disapointed.

I am beyond pleased with how I did in my exams because I got better than I could have ever imagined: 3 B’s in English, Classics, and History (four marks off an A- how gutting). As I have already mentioned, I had an unconditional offer to study at my chosen University, but I could still barely sleep the night before results.

My friends and I got into college for half past eight to get our results, anxiously waiting while a camera man awkwardly stood by waiting for us to open those dreaded envelopes (those photo’s made the college website and despite the smiles, my eyes were almost glued shut with sleep!).

My friend and boyfriend opened their envelopes first and they both got into their Universities too which was a major relief as they had both been very worried, as I’m sure many other people have been.

At one point, I was very content not to know what results that I got because even though I knew that I already had a place at Uni, I worked so hard for those exams and I was desperate not to be disapointed. And aside from the close mark in history, I definitely wasn’t!

I will definitely be back with many more posts now about what I am taking to University with me when I go in mid-September. I hope that everybody is enjoying their Summers and good luck to those getting their GCSE grades next week.


#27 Kicking off the Summer

Hello everybody! I hope that you have all been enjoying the amazing weather we have been recieving (if you are a fellow Brit). For anyone who might have noticed, yes, this is my first post in five weeks… I will just blame my A levels for that- my A levels which are now finally over!

I am so pleased with how they went- my history papers were complete dreams although, the Russia paper was so simple that I may have over complicated it. However, my English papers were brilliant and I wrote so much for every question. The Dracula and Twelfth Night (worst Shakespeare play ever- do not argue) question was DANGER… I mean come on, Danger? In Dracula? He’s a flipping vampire? They may as well have just handed me a piece of paper with a big red A right then and there.

Only joking, I hope that I have not jinxed myself there but I am very happy with how all of the papers went. Now the waiting game until the 16th August begins…

So, despite all of that this is just a filler post to cover what I have been up to since my exams finished because trust me, I have not stopped.

Firstly, I have become a much more confident driver. On Friday 22nd, I got onto the motorway for the first time on the way to Cardiff to see the wonderful Ed Sheeran himself in concert.

He was incredible. He was his own band, using pedals at his feet to record parts of the song and then loop them, and it got so loud in that room! The bass was too much at some points because it vibrated my whole chest and ruined any videos that I took but it was still incredible.

Ed was really down to earth and even though there were 60,000 of us in that room, he made it feel very personal. It was the biggest arena that I have ever been to and I have never seen the standing area as full as it was; it was completely packed, like no room at all to move!

From there, on the Saturday night I went to my very first hen night. My cousin is getting married this month and we went to TGIFriday’s- thankfully this hen night was much tamer than her other ‘naked butler’-esque hen nights.

It was still really fun and I had a few cocktails called a ‘woo woo’ which I would strongly recommend if you don’t really like the taste of alcohol because it was very fruity.


Next on the list of my “busy life” was getting my hair dyed! I used to be extremely blonde when I was much younger and whenever I look at photo’s I wish that I still had it. So my aunty- who is a hair dresser- offered to do it for me and I drove down to Chester (two and a half hours away) to get it done.

The top is still in need of a bit more colour, so depending on my money situation at the end of summer I might have some more highlights before going to Uni.

Anyway the picture on the right is the river in Chester which my best friend and I sat in the scorching sunshine with ice creams before heading back home. All in all that day, I did six and a half hours driving which was crazy and so stressful at times but I am glad that I proved to myself I could do it.

Finally, between all of these events, I have been working as many shifts as I could- all until finish so I am very tired at the moment. Oh well, as long as I can afford food next year I will be happy…


The only perk of working at a fancy hotel on the night shift ^ because earlier on this garden is just filled with snooty people demanding drinks and food.

I hope that you are all enjoying the beginning of your summers! And congratulations to everyone who has finished their exams.